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| How easily the mind forgets
But the heart remembers yet...
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| [ Nightmares ]
When will this gnawing discomfort subside?
For some unfound reason I am trapped within a box of nightmarish
thoughts and no matter how I keep trying to claw my way to an exit, I
cannot escape. These frightening visions only haunt me in my sleep.
Yet... they cling to me in my waking moments. As I gasp for air and
shake the haze from my mind, I am greeted by a stream of silver
moonlight. It is the only light I see; the remainder of the world,
enveloped by the Night Queen's dark blanket. I reach for the steadying
glow of my cellphone, then hesitate. My heart wants to call out to you,
yet my head tells me not to disturb you from your deep slumber.
My logic prevails over my emotions. All I can do is pull my legs close
to my body and hug myself tightly. Wearily, I rest my chin upon my
knees and let my dark hair drape over the sides of my thighs like a
shadowy curtain as I rock myself comfortingly. Somehow, in that time, I
try to banish those frightening notions from my mind as I return to the
space between waking and sleep...
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| [... ]
My last entry has remained half-written for weeks. Missing words, unfilled blanks and crossed out sentences have blemished the clean white pages of my paperbound journal. It has been useless writing in there. Page by page, I have ripped out my most recent and incoherent ramblings.
“What’s the use?” I ask myself... “what’s the use?”
Yet obscure thoughts continuously materialize in my mind. They tear at me, yearning to be released, as I know they must... lest my sanity resolves to escape this troubled vessel.
I suppose that is why I find myself back here once again
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| I was rifling through some old papers today when I came across a box of old notes and letters. While some contents of the box were simple postcards or letters sent from people far away with the usual generic greetings, most of the box contained the 'confidential' notes exchanged in a time long ago.
Within the box there must have been at least a dozen promises of forever and always. Words exchanged so easily; not because we didn't mean it... but because at that time, we could never see outside our happy little bubbles to a day where it could all end. These notes captured so many of the hidden smiles, the silent laughters and the 'not-so-secret' secrets exchanged. Sometimes the words would contain tinges of sadness and fears, but usually by the start of the next paragraph, details of 'what we did last weekend' would fill the remainder of the page. So many memories held in those neatly folded squares of loose-leaf paper, memories of days when the troubles were trivial and the good times were abundant...
Sometimes I find myself missing the yesterdays
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